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Going back to school is new and exciting, but also can be over whelming and frustrating. Color coding everything can make it easier to stay organized and successful this.

Color coding school subjects

Each subject should be different color and the color code the stuff that goes with the subject ie, math – calculator, eraser, pencil, geometry set should match it. You could go even as far as getting matching colored bracelets to the subjects and when homework is assigned put that bracelet on and then have them write the homework in his or her agenda.

Parent/ Teacher communication colors

Another good idea is to have what the teacher said in the agenda in one color and what parents said in another.

Color coding system for notes

Color coding system for notes can be very helpful. Having the main topic highlighted one color, sub topics another, terms and vocabulary each different colors from the rest.

A color coded to do list

This can work for you and your child, separate them into to do today, this week, this month or do first, second, third.  If there is more than one thing on your child’s to do list let them take it with them to help them remember what they were to do next.

Two sided luggage tag

Having a two sided luggage tag on the zipper of their back pack with one side with the stuff that goes in the bag written on it and the stuff that comes home on the other, each written in different colors can help them stay independent and organized.

The “to home and to school” folders

Many elementary schools already use  the folder method.  The folder lives in your child’s back pack and is for all their work, newsletters, permission forms, and lunch order forms. The folder has a “to go home side” and “back to school form”.

Not coloring coded but smart! 

Having two sets of text books one for home and one for school because your child most likely will forget to bring the text book or bring the wrong one home. Another thing that exists for some schools is an online system where parents and teachers can communicate. Teachers post what went on during the day and what the homework was so every one is on the same page. Parents can log in and see what went on comment and send private messages to the teacher.

 

We’ve all been there! It can be hard for a family to pay the rent, put food on the table and heat the house, never mind paying for all the extras not covered by funding: gas for running around to therapy sessions, extra admission to have a support person at activities, and so on.

But there’s good news.

There’s Help Out There!

I want to make sure everyone is aware of the support that is out there for them and take a look as some creative budgeting and other opportunities to make some money on the side.

Respite care

This is to pay a qualified person to look after your child while you have a night away, or dinner with your spouse. Access this funding through your social worker. There is only so much money allotted by the government so it can be tricky to qualify for support. I could not find a lot of answers to what it takes to qualify but this is what I found.

To be eligible for these programs,

• a child or youth must be: a resident of British Columbia
• under the age of 19 and diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (this includes Autism, Autistic Disorder, Asperger’s Syndrome, PDD-NOS, Rett Syndrome)
• or eligible for the At Home Program that includes children who are assessed as dependent in at least three of four functional activities of daily living (eating, dressing, toileting, and washing) or diagnosed with an Intellectual Disability

Access pass

This has all kinds of perks! Each business that honours this pass offers different things:
some give you a discount, some let the support staff in for free, and some cover the child’s admission to things. You can apply for the Access pass here.

Leisure pass

Most city recreation centres have a pass for your child that offers their support person free admission. Since kids usually pay less, this is more than a 50% discount.

Specials

Most movie theatres have cheap days here in Victoria it is on Tuesdays. Often the theatres on Professional days at school and holidays have family movies, which are old Disney or Pixar reruns that are offered at a cheaper price. You’ll have to look into your local theatre for times and prices.

I know here in Victoria every so often they offer “sensory safe showings” where the lights are not as low, the surround sound is off and the sound is not as loud. They are far and few between and cost the same. I made my own “sensory safe” movies by using the baby room which you can still find in older theaters. It is a room with a glass window that allows you to watch from the back of the theater and then if the baby cries it doesn’t disturb anyone. It also happens to be quieter and no surround sound. I have been told if you need to leave in the first fifteen minutes of the show the theater will return your money, but I have not ever tried this.

Kid swapping

Save on babysitting by swapping kids! What does that mean? Just like your mainstream children have play dates, this means exchanging times when your kid will go over to another child’s house and their parents look after them. Then in return the kids end up at your house another day.

How do you find someone that is a good fit? Start by seeing if there are any children your child gravitates to first, then get to know their parents. Look to see if their parenting style is close to yours. Do they know or are they willing to learn about what your child’s quirks and needs are?

Make sure you are realistic in your expectations of your child and the other family who has agreed to watch your child. Especially at the beginning, if you have never left your child with someone before I would start off small—like 10 minutes—and work your way up so that you, the family and your child can adjust. Depending on the needs of your child, you may not want to ask a family to take them overnight. If your child has some high needs you probably want to pay someone trained to take them for more than a couple of hours.

Budgeting

Budgeting sounded like too much work to me, when I was first introduced to it. “You mean I have to keep and track all my receipts? Ugg! “ But in the end, it was a really useful tool.

Before I even made my first budget, my mom had me write down every cent I spent for a whole month while at university. That’s when I realized how I was wasting so much money on things like tea at the fancy coffee shop on campus. Right then and there I decided that buying hot water and a tea bag for anything more than a dollar was ridiculous and I started packing tea bags and a to-go mug. Take a good look at your spending habits: are there any little things that you could do without?

If you have never made a budget before, here are the basics for a monthly budget.

Income: Write down all the income that comes into your household for the month.

Monthly expenses: Then list all the set in stone bills like mortgage or rent, both car and house insurance, cell phone bills, car payments, cable, internet, water, electric, student loans, medical coverage and anything else that comes out monthly.

Annual expenses: Then list all the other things that maybe only come out once a year, or bi monthly, 4 times a year, like house taxes, RSP payments. Take those and divide them into monthly installments.

Occasional expenses: Now list all the expenses that vary, things like groceries, gas, entertainment, bath and beauty supplies, household products ( cleaning products, light bulbs, and so forth)

When you subtract your set in stone expenses from your income that should leave you with what you have to spend on the variable expenses.

• Some tips for keeping track of expenses:
• Have a weekly budgeted amount set aside for groceries
• Have a set amount a month entertainment
• Either have someone in charge of the spending or have regular check ins or recording it in the same place.
• Agree to check in before blowing a budget

And we’re not done yet! You need an emergency fund (for when the hot water tank breaks), and savings for any other things you know you will want to buy in the future like a new car, a new computer or any other big purchase. I would also highly recommend a vacation fund, so you can actually afford to take one, and looking into building for your family’s future with things like RESP’s or RDSP’s,TFSA’s, or investing it somewhere to grow.

Make tomorrow easier!

I know how easy it is to get in the habit of making your life easier now and forgetting that money put away to make tomorrow easier, a month from now, a year from now or even 10 years from now easier is also a worthy deed. The money you save now is worth more money a year from now and even worth more than ten years from now.
Financial Planning

We’ve looked at how important it is to budget and save money for the future: for emergencies, future plans, and even retirement.The next thing you have to ask yourself is: is your money working for you or against you?

Until recently, I had no idea of what to invest in, how to invest or even where to find the money to invest. I really didn’t understand a lot about this until taking a financial literacy course. I learned some interesting things, such as:
That 91% of Canadian retirees will be retiring at or below the line of poverty according to Stats Canada.

• Debt to income ratio is 173 to 1, meaning that for every dollar that enters the household per year after taxes, they owe $1.73 in debt.
• 6 out of 10 Canadians don’t have a will or financial plan in place.
• It is going to cost us twice if not three times as much for us to retire, than it did our parents.

If you ask me, those are some scary numbers, and those stats don’t take into consideration that you may have dependents still living with you now and even when you retire!
This is why we need to know the fundamentals of how money moves, how money grows, and how to build wealth here in Canada.

Falling into debt is easy

Falling into massive debt is easy. For some people it’s taking out school loans and then not landing a high paying job. For one of my friends, it was getting hurt in a snowboarding accident so that he couldn’t work for years, and even had to buy a special bed. He was self employed and didn’t even have any insurance to cover that time off work.

This same friend just recently eliminated 85% of his $55,000 debt. If you are interested in hearing more about his story, his contact information is at the bottom as it has made it his mission to educate people so the same thing doesn’t happen to them.

Side Hustles

Picking up a gig on the side is one way many women and men are making a little extra cash. There are three major types of side hustles:

• Starting a side business — Entrepreneurship isn’t for everyone, but if you’ve got special skills like photography, house painting, or web design, you might be able to make some side income. If you’re interested, check out Chris Guillebeau’s book Side Hustle: From Idea to Income in 27 Days. https://amzn.to/2Ty1MtM
• A part-time job — There are lots of jobs you can take on part-time, from coffee shop barista to yoga instructor to working at book stores or in clothing retail. Sometimes the extra dollars per week can make a real difference.
• Relationship marketing — When you choose the right company, for some people this can be the perfect balance between entrepreneurship and part-time employment.

Relationship Marketing

You know the ones I am talking about: Epicure, Mary Kay, Rubbermaid. Whatever it is you choose to do, make sure it is a company and something you believe in and you can take it as far as you want. Some people only want to have a couple extra hundred dollars a month. Not everyone will have the time and energy to bring in thousands of dollars a month on their side business.

What do I need to know or do to be successful at network marketing?

• You need to be good at communicating with others, which means you need to be comfortable enough to talk to strangers.
• You need to have a good understanding of the products and the company and how it can benefit someone else’s life.
• Have the time to meet new people, follow up with them, check in with customers ( don’t be fooled network marketing takes time, energy and skill)
• When deciding on a network marketing company there are a few things you can look into to make sure it is the right one for you. Here are a few things to consider:
• Are their products something you would use yourself?
• Is the science sound behind the products?
• What kind of training is there?
• Are the company’s tools and systems for selling easy to use?
• Is there a need for the product ?
• Is the niche market growing? Or is it saturated already with options?
• Are other people involved people you like to hang out with? Do they share the same values?
• What kind of buy-in is necessary to get started? That means how much you need to buy up front to start selling.
• What kind of perks do you get for being a distributor?
• Do you align with the mission and the vision of the company?
• What kind of approach do they take to selling ? Are they spamming people everywhere?
• Are they the people you mute or unfollow on facebook?
• Do you align with the pay structure of the company?
• How long has the company been around? Are they a fad that will pass in a year or two?

If you are scared of alienating your friends and family that is a legitimate fear. I would recommend checking out Micheal Oliver’s book How to sell network marketing without fear, anxiety or loosing friends! Or Eric Worre Go Pro.

Because for most people working 9-5, 5 days a week barely covers the bills in the larger cities (even if there are two of you), you have to take a very close look at where you’re spending your money, and how you can get the biggest bang for your buck. With smart planning and choices, tomorrow will look a lot better!

Recommended Local Finance Expert

This is a local expert I know personally and recommend.

Jay Holman
Financial Literacy Coach, saving, investing, RESP, RDSP and more
Jayholman30@gmail.com

A mother wrote me recently sharing her pain, fears, and frustrations. She told me that the hardest thing for her was dealing with all the expectations that she had that seemed to become impossible, whether it was small things like plans for the day, or big things like hopes and dreams for her child. She talked about the cycle of grieving for the life she hoped her child would have, guilt for feeling that grief, and fear that she ‘s never see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The first thing I told was “ You are right”

The first things I tell parents are,

“You are allowed to grieve the loss of the child and the life you thought you were going to have before you can celebrate and honour the amazing child in front of you.”

“It’s not just you: it’s hard for everyone”

Days are not always going to be easy at the beginning it will be a process to finding what works for your son or daughter. To get there you need to be taking care of yourself because who else is going to give your child the kind of attention you do? It’s a marathon, not a sprint. You need your energy (and sanity) for tomorrow.

The Steps

Every Parent I know has gone through these steps, not necessarily in this order, much like the stages of grief.

• Disbelief – This is not happening, my child is fine.
• Blaming – themselves, others, vaccination, any number of things
• What did I do to deserve this?
• How will I ever get through this ? (one hour, one day at a time)
• Magical fixes – I got this… We will do this and this……. and my son/ daughter will be “normal”.
• Acceptance that their child will not fit into societies box of “normal.”
• Reality – Acceptance of what you current reality looks like and hope that there will be better days to come
• Reaching out – Starting to share your struggles, realize they don’t have to do this alone and ask for support from their friends, family, community and experts
• Celebrating progress – They finally see the progress their child is making
• Making peace with the unknown and really asking for the help they need to keep themselves energized and fulfilled.

My Friend hit some really great points about expectations, for your child, and for yourself as a parent. You can’t beat yourself up over losing your temper or not being as compassionate as you maybe could have been to your child. You are human, we are all doing the best we can with what we have in that moment. Even in one of my videos I refer to feeling I was “ knocking my head against the wall trying to figure out what to do” while trying to help a little one with ADHD to focus on the sounds the letters make. I openly admit I get frustrated too!

My Friend really nailed it when she said “it requires awesome grounding, community care and community and peer support” to get through some of the tough days, weeks and months. It takes great “discipline” to make sure you are making self care a priority so you can “show up with grace, compassion and empathy for yourselves and your child”. So never forget that you are not in this alone, seek help from experts, family, and Respite care. Also check out some of the self care blog posts such as:

Emotional and Spiritual health

Physical health

Cultivating meaningful relationships 

Time management

Setting boundaries 

Nutrition for stressful situations

I think we all agree that during a Child’s meltdown, both the child and the adults around them are experiencing an increase in stress. Eating healthy food, getting enough sleep and exercise will all help both you and your child deal with stressful situations better. Right now I would like to take a closer look at the food and nutrition that can help you and your child navigate these stressful situations more effectively.

Changes have been seen when simultaneously changing diet, supplementing nutrients and balancing the gut microbiota.

Where to start?

Cut out as much processed foods as possible with the artificial color, flavor, additives, and flow agents. Next cut out the sugar in all forms but in whole fruit that has the fiber and nutrients to go with it. After that look  for sensitivities, gluten, dairy, corn, sugar, grains, and potatoes are the common ones. You can see a naturopath and have the test done or you can do the “no fun diet” for three months. Which means cutting all of the stuff one normally eats and then feeding the food back in food one at a time and see what your body does. I don’t recommend the no fun diet for your children as I am guessing it won’t go over well.

Key Nutrients

Making sure your son or daughter has these key nutrients will also help control the melt downs. I have done some research and this are the nutrients that came up over and over again.

Magnesium enables the electrical activity in the brain and calms the central nervous system, in turn, increases attention and calms your child.

Zinc enables neurotransmitters to function and is necessary for the metabolism of DHA fat in the brain. It also regulates melatonin, sleep, and mood.

Omega three is essential to DHA to support your child’s growing brain. In fact, boys need 3x as much as girls do. Studies show that increases in omega three results in better performance in spelling, reading, and fewer behavioral issues.

Vitamin D enables every cell to function and plays a key role in attention and brain function, meaning better moods and improved sleep.

Vitamin B is essential for serotonin which regulates mood and behavior. Research has shown decreases in Vitamin B are more likely to struggle with learning and have more behavioral problems.

Iron plays a large role in attention, mood and energy level. A long term deficit of iron leads to problems with attention and mood swings.

Protein is the building blocks for your child’s brain and body so ensure enough protein is vital to a child’s development. It keeps kids motivated, energized and supports good behavior, attention, and social function.

Super foods such as quinoa, spinach, kale, eggs and wild salmon are great ways to get many of the key nutrients into your child’s body.

Gut Flora

Another factor is gut flora which play a huge role in your ability and that of your child to handle stress.  Basically the more diverse your child’s gut flora is the more like they are to be resilient, more stable mood, and be more persistent. How do you expand your child’s flora?  Good question, my understanding is by ensuring they are eating a variety of whole foods. I am not an expert in this field but here are a couple of great books on the topic.

Guts/ Grit and Wit 

Mind Gut Connection 

Adaptogens

Adding adaptogens to your diet and your diet and your child’s diet is another way to help both of you deal with stressful situations better. Again I am not an expert in this area but this is what I found in my research.

What are adaptogens?

Adaptogens are a class of healing plants that help balance, restore and protect the body; they do this by helping control cortisol levels (aka the stress hormone). I know from experience that too much cortisol does horrible things to your body. Examples include weight gain, irritability, feeling of constant stress ( fight or flight 24/7), bone loss, increased blood pressure, insomnia, increase chances of developing diabetes and heart disease, water retention, thinning skin, anxiety, and really low energy levels.
Adaptogens react to any stress or influence and bring your physiological functions back to normal.

Some Adaptogen herbs include :

Ashwagandha (aka Indian ginseng) has a number of benefits including:
Regulating immune system

• Eases anxiety
• Lowers cortisol levels
• Balances hormones
• Helps with hyper and hypo thyroid issues
• Increases focus, mood, stamina, and endurance
• By increasing brain function it decreases bodily pain

Ginseng ( aka Asian ginseng) benefits include:

• Improving mental performance
• Increased ability to handle stress
• Anti depressant effects
• Lowers blood pressure and sugar levels

Holy basil has been described as the elixir of anti-aging and its benefits include:

• Fighting fatigue and stress
• Boosts immune system
• Regulates blood sugar, blood pressure, and hormone levels

Rhodiola acts like a buffer to stress related mental and physical fatigue. It also:

• Relieves anxiety
• Combats aging, by protecting the heart and liver, by increasing memory and oxygen level
• Protects against oxidative stress, heart stress, radiation and toxin exposure
• Suppresses cortisol production and increases stress resistant proteins, which can normalize sleep and eating patterns after stress
• Lastly, it is effective in helping with weight loss

Licorice root has the ability to increase energy and endurance. Some other effects include:

• Boosting the immune system
• protecting the thymus which is a key organ in our immune system from being damaged by cortisol
• Use with caution it may affect blood pressure

Okay, this is great knowledge but the next battle is how to get your child to consume these great nutrients. If you go to the Health food store then you most likely will drop a couple hundred dollars on pills that your child won’t take.  In my travels I have come across a couple of amazing products  Xtra and Essentials (this one often is used as a multi vitamin so rather then the whole dose just giving the kids a couple of ounces a day) that are in liquid form that taste great on their own but also can hide easily in your child’s favorite juice that contain many of these ingredients listed. I also highly recommend Anti stress for adults along with Govera. Your kids may even like Govera it tastes like an orange drink.

Check out my blog for additional information and tips that will help your family. I also invite you to take the free health assessments both you and your child on our website or feel free to contact me directly through my website to set up a consultation.

Emotional health is just as important as your physical health, and I believe they are closely linked. When You’re not doing well emotionally, like many people you may tend to eat junk food, or maybe you’ re like me I outright want carbs, carbs, and more carbs—with a side of sugar please!

I don’t consider myself an overly spiritual person, but I find many spiritual practices really help me center myself. The number one thing that helps me is mindfulness: being present. The biggest thief of my happiness is anxiety over all the things I feel I need to do. It helps a lot to be aware of what I am feeling in my body when situations come up, realizing what is actually happening in the real world and what stories I am telling myself. I’ve also found it amazing to take a moment before agreeing to help someone, to look at my calendar, and ask myself: is this something I really want to do?

Here are some strategies I have used and still use to help me stay sane:

Friends and Family

A good friend can listen when you are upset, and gently nudge you in the right direction when you need it. You don’t want just a “yes” friend, though! You need a friend who says, “Alright, you’ve grieved; now what are we going to do about it?” And funnily enough, when you are feeling down in the dumps one of the best ways to bring yourself up is to help a friend out. It’s probably for two reasons one, it gets your mind off your own problems and two, it will raise your endorphins levels when someone appreciates what you have done. Nothing like a good hug to make you feel seen, heard and valued.

If you are struggling to find or develop meaningful friendships check out my post a couple of weeks ago on cultivating meaningful relationships. There are some tips for where to look to find new friends and how to maintain a good relationship with your spouse.

How do I find time for friends? It’s about making it a priority. Here are a couple of ways you can keep in touch without sacrificing a lot of time or other activities:

• Double up: exercise or grocery shop with a friend
• Sit with another parent at your kids game or practice
• My favorite “ I am thinking of you texts .“ Every morning I get up and I send three to five friends a short text with a note of gratitude for their friendship or a silly emoji to make them laugh
• Call them on your drive home! You are stuck in traffic any way.
• Facebook messages or short phone calls on your lunch break even if you get their machine
• Regular phone calls with friends who live in other cities,provinces, and countries
• Snail mail cards and letters
• Send them helpful articles or quotes, Facebook posts they might find interesting
• Invite them along to events you are planning on attending

Friendships are definitely a two way street. It takes effort and understanding on both sides for a friendship to become a strong one. For example I have a ton of dancing friends, and kickboxing friends but I only see them on the dance floor or the mat. Yes, we have some funny conversations but none of them will be coming to my rescue at three am if I am in trouble. So how are you going to know which friendships to pursue or hold on to and which ones you may need to let go of?

• Do they support you as much as you do them?
• Is your gut reaction “ Ohh no, not again” or “Do I have to?” when they invite you to hang out or ask you a favor? That is a good sign something isn’t right
• Do they reach out to you, or are you always reaching out to them?
• Do you generally have a good time together?
• Do they keep their word?
• Do they lift you up when you are down? Or do they pull you down farther?

I always remind myself that I become the five people I spend the most time with so I choose to spend my time with positive, healthy, vibrant, active people who take control of their life.If they don’t like something in their life they take steps to change it for the better.

Journaling

Journaling can help you organize your thoughts, both for things you have to do or want to do and for dealing with your emotions. Moms especially tend to have an extra large mental load, meaning that they carry a lot on their minds. You’re keeping track of pick-ups and drop-offs for kids, grocery lists, mail, banking, and appointments—the list goes on. The best part about journaling is that it gets whatever is in your head out and onto the paper, so you can fill your brain with the important stuff that is right in front of you.
There are a few different styles of journaling you can use. Personally I use different styles for different situations.

Free Script – Freely writing whatever comes to you. Sometimes when I write this way it looks like a brainstorming web other times it is a series of sentences or thoughts in no particular order and other times it is super well laid out and very coherent.

Lists – This is one I use all the time, grocery lists, and to-do lists for today, this week, and this month I like to use Asana for long term lists.

Gratitude journal – All the things that went right today that you are thankful for. It is so easy to get caught up in all the things that went wrong, or the one thing that did not go well and forget about the rest of the great stuff. When you look at what went right you automatically relax just a little.

Meditation

There are so many studies showing that meditation decreases stress, increases focus and a whole whack of other benefits.

Physical benefits

• Can reduce pain
• Lower blood pressure
• Lower heart rate
• Allows the body to heal faster
• Is an anti inflammatory
• Helps digest food
• Supports your immune system

Psychological benefits

• Aids in better sleep
• Reduces stress and anxiety
• Helps regulate mood disorders
• Improves self esteem
• Can help treat addiction
• Increases creativity
• Increases self awareness
• Reduces anger

Cognitive Benefits

• Improves working memory
• Helps one work under stress
• Improves one’s ability to solve problems
• Improves decision making skills
• Visual spatial processing

I know what you are going to say—who has time for that? Believe me, you can find time, even if it is only 3 minutes and it is so helpful. There are different ways to meditate and not all involve sitting on the floor.

Stillness — This is my savior between clients! I get in the car take a couple of deep breaths and close my eyes before driving. This allows me to let go of the last client’s needs, and focus on the next client and what I have planned for the session. The easiest way I practice a stillness meditation is to focus on my breath in and out, in and out, on my chest rising and falling.

Mindfulness — I encourage you to practice mindfulness everywhere, all the time, as much as you can. Staying present in your world and being aware of all the amazing things that happen. When you are mindful you will find patterns everywhere in your life. I teach kids mindfulness through their senses. What do you see? How does it look? What does it make you think of? What color is it? Is it deep or light color? How does it feel ? Soft? Hard? Bumpy? Prickly, squishy? Does it have a smell ? if so what does it smell like? Sweet ? fruity? Like a cow patty? Dirty? Stinky? If it is safe to taste, what does it taste like ? sweet? Sour? Like something you have tasted before? How does if feel on your tongue? Is it crunchy or soft? Does it melt in your mouth? Here is an example of eating a raisin mindfully. https://youtu.be/z2Eo56BLMjM

Guided – I use these mostly when my “monkey brain” (when my brain is going in a million directions, or in circles about something I can not do anything about at this moment) is running way too wild and I can’t just breathe my way out of the craziness. This is usually when there are strong emotions involved. My favorite guided meditations come from a free app called Insight timer.

Flowdreaming – Is something I just discovered it is a guided meditation that is to simulating music. I am not sure how to explain it much more than that but it works great. This too is found in the app store also.

Yoga – Lots of people get lost in the movement when they do yoga. I for one can’t think about anything besides not falling over! Never mind the endorphins that run through your body and lift your mood, or the strength and flexibility you can gain from yoga. You may even be able to meet up with a friend and get some visiting time in before or after if attending a class.

Nature

Finding time to be in nature every day can make a huge difference in a person’s well being. Being in nature has been proven to :

• Boost the immune system
• Reduce stress
• Improve mood
• Increase energy levels
• Improve sleep
• Lower blood pressure

How to fit it in ? They latest book I am reading Nature Based Therapy suggests that 2 hours a week is beneficial but of course more is better and that it does not have to be in long increments. Here are a couple of suggestions in how to fit Nature into your day:

• Family walks in a local park or beach
• Work out outside instead of the gym
• Take your coffee date for a walk instead of sitting in Starbucks
• Take a walk or your book to the park on your lunch break and eat there
• Have kids earn their screen time by spending time outside
• Camping trips
• Picnics at the beach or park with other families

Sleep

The last thing I would like to touch on is that sleep directly affects my emotional state. When I am tired I do not cope with the world around me well, especially when it throws a curve ball at me. Making sure you get enough sleep is crucial to your well being.

There are several things to consider when trying to get a good night’s sleep:

• Having a dark room, black out blinds
• Cutting out the screen time and blue lights that stimulate your brain an hour or two before bed. Pick up a book after dinner instead of watching TV, or working on your computer.
• Having regular times that you go to bed and get up in the morning. Your body does better when it has a routine.
• Watch what you are eating and drinking before bed. Does caffeine keep you up? Maybe cut that out after 3 pm? Eating a large meal too close to bedtime always keeps me up.
• Making sure I get at least an hour of exercise a day also helps me sleep at night.
• When I am really worried about something I use guided meditations to help me relax

Gut Brain Connection

In a great book called Wits/Guts/Grit talks about the link between the flora in your gut and your ability to persevere, stay calm, and be in a better mood. She also discusses so many other benefits to having a more diverse gut flora.

So how does one do that?

• Eat a diverse range of foods
• Eat lots of veggies, legumes, beans and fruit
• Eat fermented foods like yogurt, Kimchi, Kefir, Kombucha
• Avoid artificial sweeteners
• Eat or drink prebiotic foods that promote the growth of good microbes in your gut. ( This was a game changer for me) Aloe, bananas, asparagus, garlic, berries are examples of prebiotics.
• Eat whole grains
• Eat foods high in polyphenols which lower blood pressure, inflammation and cholesterol levels and oxidative stress. Good sources of polyphenols are cocoa or dark chocolate, red wine, grape skins, green tea, almonds, blueberries, and broccoli
• Take probiotic supplements, my favorite AloeDophilus

Final Thoughts

In conclusion you need to find what works for you. I don’t use all of these techniques on a daily basis, but have used them all at some point in my life. The three things that I use consistently are sleep, friends and mindfulness.

Resources

Here are two of the most mindful and spiritual teachers I know. They serve the Greater Victoria area.

Anna Marie Ghatt — Ashtanga Yoga, Pranayama breathwork, chair yoga

Email: annaswoodwork@icloud.com

Samantha Barrow — Yoga instructor, Mindfulness master, Reflexology

Email : Samanthabarrow444@hotmail.com

I know as a very caring person who is often referred to being the “Momma Bear” how hard it is to put boundaries up and stick to them. I will tell you though, the more you do it the easier it is and the more people respect you for it. Let’s look at some different areas of one’s life that you could assert boundaries:

Work

How many hours do you want/ need to work ? Can you have a conversation with your boss about hours?  flex shifts ? working from home? Some parents work four  long days and have three day weekends, others have managed to split shift their work hours so they can work at 9:00 – 3:00 Pick up their kids and then work a couple hours after the kids go to bed or while they are doing homework.

Family

Be clear with your spouse and children about your boundaries, especially if you are working from home. My friend Sara and her long time partner have the agreement that if Sara’s office door is closed she is deep in thought and not wanting to be interrupted but if the door is open then he is welcome to come and ask her questions or sneak a kiss on the cheek. Other boundaries could be around the house hold chores, my sister and brother in law have the agreement that my brother in law makes dinner and the boys and my sister are responsible for clean up.

Friends

When it comes to friends, I ask myself is this something I want to do, or something I feel I should do / feel obligated to? If it is either of the last two I think really hard before answering.

If you are interested in reading more about setting boundaries here are a couple of great books and videos.

Say No to Say Yes:Dr. Caryn Aviv at TEDxCrestmoorParkWomen

Boundaries

I think this quote sums it all up “Make sure when you say yes to someone else you are not saying no to yourself.”  When first trying to figure out where your boundaries are go back to your core values. If you still need some help talk to a good friend.

Have you ever felt there is not enough hours in the day?  Do you find you are loosing out on sleep because you want to get just one more load of laundry done, or finally get to watch that show you have been wanting to watch?  Lets see if we can change that.

In the first blog post in the Selfcare Series we looked at finding your core values. If you have not done please visit that first so this will be more meaningful.

Now that you know your key values let’s look at where you are spending your time. Take a look at your calendar / planner or just think about your week. I want to you take those things and divide them into three categories and write them down. I need to do’s, I want to do’s and I should do’s.

I need to do’s

Alright now look at all the need to do’s? Is there anything you can delegate to someone else? Can your kids or husband help with house hold chores or making dinner? Can you team up with other parents that are delivering their kids to and from activities that you can share driving? Is grocery delivery or meal prep boxes an option?

I should do’s

Let ‘s look at the should do’s .  I want to you look at that list and ask what of these bring you joy? Which of these do you feel are an obligation? Anything that is an obligation you can take off your list. Look carefully, “I should go to the gym, because I want to be healthy” There is an I want in there, but if you end the because “Someone else wants me to or because someone will be disappointed then take it off the schedule. My next post on creating boundaries has some creative ideas on time management also, be sure to check it out.

I want to do’s

Does that free up some of your time now to fit in some of your I want to do’s? If you look at you I want to do’s is there some you can combine. I wanted to learn more  by reading about the kids I work with but finding time to read seemed impossible, until I discovered the Audio books and Podd casts. Now I rarely listen to the radio in the car. I often have audio books going while I am in the bath, or doing the dishes. I also found that taping my favorite shows and only allowing myself one a night, surprisingly enough, freed up a lot of time in the evening.  Can you read or do art while a kiddo is at a practice or therapy? Is there a way you could combine some friend time with another activity like working out?

The last thing I want to touch on is Mom/ Dad/ Grandparent guilt. The first thing you have to except is that you are not Superman or Super Girl so you cannot be everything to everyone. You have to give yourself permission to miss a practice, even one of your kid’s games for work if you love your job, or for an activity that makes you happy. I would ask your children if there is something they really want to you be there for and which ones they don’t mind you missing. You will be surprised that often they don’t mind you missing a practice.

Care takers always have the biggest hearts and are always looking after everyone one else and often let their own physical, emotional, and spiritual health go.

I know from experience that especially when you lose your health, it affects all aspects of your life. Twenty Six through twenty nine, I was sick and my biggest fear was that the Specialist were never going to figure out what was going on in my body and worst of all I was going to bloated, uncomfortable, exhausted, severely overweight, depressed and never be able to hike a mountain, hold down a job or sleep through the night again. Now that it is all said and done I have a whole new appreciation for my body. It has taken me several years and a lot of personal growth to have a good relationship with food, with my body, and to have any kind of self confidence again. I always defaulted to looking after everyone else because I didn’t know how to look after myself.

There are several different areas of caretaker’s health that one should look at.

Dr./ Dentist Appointments

Let’s start with the big ones that I am a horrible for neglecting Dr. apt. When I am not sick and it is a check up, annual blood test or anything that doesn’t feel necessary right now I just push it off till later. When did you last go to the Dr. ? What about the knee, foot, heartburn that is irritating you but you live with?

I always have to remind myself it is about prevention. In the last year I have really stepped into prevention mode with an amazing nutraceutical product line that has changed my life. For years I put up with being tired all the time and not sleeping through the night because it was a 100 x better then when I was sick. I thought this was the new normal that I shouldn’t complain it was way better than keeling over in pain, being 280 pounds and being uncomfortable all the time. That is a story for another day but feel free to private message me if you’re interested in hearing more of my story.

The online Doctor Service here in Canada  has been my savoir. I can call from home in my pajamas and set up an appointment with a Doctor to refill my prescription in a matter of minutes and just log on at the designated time. Hours and hours of my day are saved by not having to wait for the clinic to open and wait in line.

Sleep

Sleep, oh so important but often neglected. Sleep deprivation sucks I lived it for 4 years, you are foggy brained, tired, and moody and have no energy whatsoever. Eight hours sleep is so important, because sleep is when your body fights infections, digests foods, and repairs muscles.

I get it you want to have time with your kids after dinner and before bed so that leaves a couple hours (depending when your kids go to bed) for you to finish up that email, fold the laundry and spend time with your other half.

Is there any way you can delegate or do some of the household chores with your kids and or husband? Kids could help with dishes, fold laundry, and help pack lunches and so many other everyday things.

Are there any chores that you enjoy? My Sister loves going grocery shopping, not the actual grocery shopping but the 20 minute drive to the grocery store alone, the 45 minutes or so cruising up and down the aisles figuring out the next week’s meals alone, and the 20 minute ride back alone. You see she lives with three teenage boys, a dog, and her husband in a teeny tiny house, so grocery shopping is a chore she likes. One of my past boyfriends was a welder and loved dishes because the warm water relaxed his hands and got them really clean.

Water intake

Our body is mostly water and relies on a balance of water and electrolytes for a number of bodily functions. Here is just a handful of things that water helps with in your body:

• Improving cardiovascular health by raising blood volume, making it easier for your heart to pump and get oxygen to your muscles and therefore easier to chase and play with the kids.
• Lubricates your joints, and moves nutrients to the muscles and waste out of the muscle cells for you to excrete.
• Regulating body temperature
• by keeping your skin elasticity
• to cleanse your body kidneys need water to filter waste from your blood and to excrete urine.
• Prevents urinary tract infections and kidney stones. When severely dehydrated your kidney shuts down and your body starts to build up toxins.

I know it is not always easy to remember to drink liquids throughout the day. Here are some tips to remember to drink enough fluids:

• Have a water bottle full in your vehicle for commuting
• Have a glass of water or water bottle on your desk at work
• Make sure you are drinking fluids with meals
• Incorporate water dense foods into your snacks and meals like soup, yogurt or fruit like watermelon and or oranges which are 90% water and great source of fiber.

Exercise

We all know exercise is an important part of taking care of ourselves. The important thing here is that you find something you enjoy and something you will stick with. It is really hard to make a drastic change but if you make a small step towards getting more exercise like walking 2 or 3 times a week, maybe it is a family event or you meet up with some friends. For me it is Partner Dancing, three or four times a week. It is exercise and it is much like yoga for me, when I am dancing it lets me just for a bit let go of the rest of the world’s demands.

A couple of the best books I have ever read which can be applied to any part of your life but easily to your health are The One Thing by By Gary Keller and The Slight edge by Jeff Olson. It is easy to get caught up in everything a parent feels they need to do in a day and easy to forget to look after yourself, but I will ask you one this. If you end up in the hospital who is going to look after your kids? Would you be more patient or more attentive if you were not tired, sick, or thirsty? You need to be operating at your highest and best so that you can support your extra special child to be their highest and best.

If you live in Victoria, BC here are some friends who could help you get active again.

Anna Marie Ghatt
Ashtanga Yoga, Pranayama breathwork, chair yoga
Email: annaswoodwork@icloud.com

Samantha Barrow
Yoga instructor
Mindfulness master
Reflexology

Laura Gregory
Personal Trainer
Life coach

So often Parents with young kids or kids with special needs feel isolated and alone, their days are dictated by how well their child slept and or how well their child is coping with the day. They tend not to make plans because they don’t want to let anyone down or they just are worried about how their child will behave and what others will think. Parents spend so much time getting children from one place to another or just waiting for their child’s lesson to be done, and who has time for coffee or tea with friends?

Why are friends important?

Everyone needs a good friend they can call when *&^ hits the fan, a shoulder to lean on, someone to listen when you have had a bad day, or pick you up when your car breaks down. With the increasing number of families living miles if not continents away from their other family members it becomes increasingly important to make some good friends.  Finding other parents who have kids with some of the same issues can be very supportive because there is no judgement, you can bounce ideas off them and they become comfortable with your kids needs and your own needs. A surprising number of parents with non mainstream children experience loneliness, depression.

Where can I find them?

I would encourage you to look at the places you are already spending your time. Can you introduce yourself to another parent who is waiting for the school bell to ring? How about your child’s friend’s parents? Could you find someone to strike up a conversation with at the gym? At the grocery store? Maybe there is a class you would like to take? Neighbors are great place to start, have one of your neighbors over for tea, or strike up a conversation while cutting the lawn. Not everyone you reach out to will become an instant friend but you will be more likely to find someone you can hit it off with. Support networks (parent groups), and church groups are always a good place to start too.

Meaningful relationship with your partner

Making time to work on your marriage is often forgotten with appointments, sports, homework and chores but it is the most important relationship you have and it takes work. The most important thing you can give a person is your time because it is something you will never get back. It is important to make time for each other so you can stay connected. There are several different types of intimacy and it is good to know what you and your partner value and start there.

• Shared work – is there something you can work together on?
• Communication – the real conversations, using active listening
• Shared play – is there a leisure activity you both enjoy?

If date nights are few and far between, try and find some smaller or shorter times during the week you can share. Here are some ideas

• Read a book together, play a board game, listen to a book or watch a tv together
• Meeting up on your lunch breaks
• Eating breakfast, working out or just spending time together before the kids wake up.
• Random acts of kindness (aka love) are also great. Things like “ I am thinking of you” notes in a his or her lunch box, surprise flowers, or making their favorite dinner, doing one of the chores your spouse usually does. They don’t need to be expensive or time consuming but thoughtful.

Before we start effectively helping your kids we need to make sure you as parents are in a good place.  A place where your needs are met so you can provide the best possible support for your child.  Stress is part of life, and some stress is good, but too much is harmful to your health. I know from experience what too much stress does to your body and it is not pretty. A person feels stressed out or overwhelmed when you are not in alignment with yourself and your core values.

Core Values

To work or not to work that is up to you, there are so many decisions that one has to make and what it all comes down to is your core values. Some parents will value going to work over staying home with the kids. There is no judgement here as long as your decision doesn’t cause you stress. The truth is you only feel stressed when you are out of alignment with yourself and beliefs.

I find that a good place to start is to look at your calendar, where are you spending your time? For me when I am not working is Swing dancing because it aligns with my core values of fun exercise and adult conversations (since most of my day I work with kids). So where are you spending your time? If you look and you don’t like where you are spending your time then that is a good place to start making small changes. The second place I look to is where are you spending your money? Is the star bucks you drink every day have something to do with not being able to afford that painting class you wanted to take? Is that star buck’s coffee that important to you?

If you would like to go more in-depth with your core value exploration here is a couple of links

7 steps to discovering your Core Values

Family Life work sheet on Core Values 

Life Wheel

The Life Wheel is another tool I use often with families to gage where in their life the stress is coming from. The life wheel looks at your satisfaction with different areas of your life. Follow The link below to run one off and then follow the instructions below on how to use this tool.

Life Wheel

1. Life wheel for this you are going to color in how happy you are in each area of your life. So if you are not getting out with friends as often as you would like you may only color that section a quarter of the way, but if you are happy with your relationship and time with family you may want to color most of that section in. If you were to ask me I never color a whole section in because things can be going great and still have room for improvement.

2. Now take each section of the life wheel and give it a number between 1 – 10 . 1 being it isn’t that important not worried about it, 10 being over the moon important I need to make some changes.

This is an activity that one you have to be honest with yourself or you are not going to get anything out of this. I would encourage you to share your wheel with your spouse or a good friend and have a conversation about it and see what comes up. Feel free if you don’t have anyone to chat with about your life wheel to throw me an email.  Stay tuned over the next few weeks and my blogs will look at each area of the life wheel.