So often Parents with young kids or kids with special needs feel isolated and alone, their days are dictated by how well their child slept and or how well their child is coping with the day. They tend not to make plans because they don’t want to let anyone down or they just are worried about how their child will behave and what others will think. Parents spend so much time getting children from one place to another or just waiting for their child’s lesson to be done, and who has time for coffee or tea with friends?
Why are friends important?
Everyone needs a good friend they can call when *&^ hits the fan, a shoulder to lean on, someone to listen when you have had a bad day, or pick you up when your car breaks down. With the increasing number of families living miles if not continents away from their other family members it becomes increasingly important to make some good friends. Finding other parents who have kids with some of the same issues can be very supportive because there is no judgement, you can bounce ideas off them and they become comfortable with your kids needs and your own needs. A surprising number of parents with non mainstream children experience loneliness, depression.
Where can I find them?
I would encourage you to look at the places you are already spending your time. Can you introduce yourself to another parent who is waiting for the school bell to ring? How about your child’s friend’s parents? Could you find someone to strike up a conversation with at the gym? At the grocery store? Maybe there is a class you would like to take? Neighbors are great place to start, have one of your neighbors over for tea, or strike up a conversation while cutting the lawn. Not everyone you reach out to will become an instant friend but you will be more likely to find someone you can hit it off with. Support networks (parent groups), and church groups are always a good place to start too.
Meaningful relationship with your partner
Making time to work on your marriage is often forgotten with appointments, sports, homework and chores but it is the most important relationship you have and it takes work. The most important thing you can give a person is your time because it is something you will never get back. It is important to make time for each other so you can stay connected. There are several different types of intimacy and it is good to know what you and your partner value and start there.
- Shared work – is there something you can work together on?
- Communication – the real conversations, using active listening
- Shared play – is there a leisure activity you both enjoy?
If date nights are few and far between, try and find some smaller or shorter times during the week you can share. Here are some ideas
- Read a book together, play a board game, listen to a book or watch a tv together
- Meeting up on your lunch breaks
- Eating breakfast, working out or just spending time together before the kids wake up.
- Random acts of kindness (aka love) are also great. Things like “ I am thinking of you” notes in a his or her lunch box, surprise flowers, or making their favorite dinner, doing one of the chores your spouse usually does. They don’t need to be expensive or time consuming but thoughtful.