Month: August 2019

We’ve all been there! It can be hard for a family to pay the rent, put food on the table and heat the house, never mind paying for all the extras not covered by funding: gas for running around to therapy sessions, extra admission to have a support person at activities, and so on.

But there’s good news.

There’s Help Out There!

I want to make sure everyone is aware of the support that is out there for them and take a look as some creative budgeting and other opportunities to make some money on the side.

Respite care

This is to pay a qualified person to look after your child while you have a night away, or dinner with your spouse. Access this funding through your social worker. There is only so much money allotted by the government so it can be tricky to qualify for support. I could not find a lot of answers to what it takes to qualify but this is what I found.

To be eligible for these programs,

• a child or youth must be: a resident of British Columbia
• under the age of 19 and diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (this includes Autism, Autistic Disorder, Asperger’s Syndrome, PDD-NOS, Rett Syndrome)
• or eligible for the At Home Program that includes children who are assessed as dependent in at least three of four functional activities of daily living (eating, dressing, toileting, and washing) or diagnosed with an Intellectual Disability

Access pass

This has all kinds of perks! Each business that honours this pass offers different things:
some give you a discount, some let the support staff in for free, and some cover the child’s admission to things. You can apply for the Access pass here.

Leisure pass

Most city recreation centres have a pass for your child that offers their support person free admission. Since kids usually pay less, this is more than a 50% discount.

Specials

Most movie theatres have cheap days here in Victoria it is on Tuesdays. Often the theatres on Professional days at school and holidays have family movies, which are old Disney or Pixar reruns that are offered at a cheaper price. You’ll have to look into your local theatre for times and prices.

I know here in Victoria every so often they offer “sensory safe showings” where the lights are not as low, the surround sound is off and the sound is not as loud. They are far and few between and cost the same. I made my own “sensory safe” movies by using the baby room which you can still find in older theaters. It is a room with a glass window that allows you to watch from the back of the theater and then if the baby cries it doesn’t disturb anyone. It also happens to be quieter and no surround sound. I have been told if you need to leave in the first fifteen minutes of the show the theater will return your money, but I have not ever tried this.

Kid swapping

Save on babysitting by swapping kids! What does that mean? Just like your mainstream children have play dates, this means exchanging times when your kid will go over to another child’s house and their parents look after them. Then in return the kids end up at your house another day.

How do you find someone that is a good fit? Start by seeing if there are any children your child gravitates to first, then get to know their parents. Look to see if their parenting style is close to yours. Do they know or are they willing to learn about what your child’s quirks and needs are?

Make sure you are realistic in your expectations of your child and the other family who has agreed to watch your child. Especially at the beginning, if you have never left your child with someone before I would start off small—like 10 minutes—and work your way up so that you, the family and your child can adjust. Depending on the needs of your child, you may not want to ask a family to take them overnight. If your child has some high needs you probably want to pay someone trained to take them for more than a couple of hours.

Budgeting

Budgeting sounded like too much work to me, when I was first introduced to it. “You mean I have to keep and track all my receipts? Ugg! “ But in the end, it was a really useful tool.

Before I even made my first budget, my mom had me write down every cent I spent for a whole month while at university. That’s when I realized how I was wasting so much money on things like tea at the fancy coffee shop on campus. Right then and there I decided that buying hot water and a tea bag for anything more than a dollar was ridiculous and I started packing tea bags and a to-go mug. Take a good look at your spending habits: are there any little things that you could do without?

If you have never made a budget before, here are the basics for a monthly budget.

Income: Write down all the income that comes into your household for the month.

Monthly expenses: Then list all the set in stone bills like mortgage or rent, both car and house insurance, cell phone bills, car payments, cable, internet, water, electric, student loans, medical coverage and anything else that comes out monthly.

Annual expenses: Then list all the other things that maybe only come out once a year, or bi monthly, 4 times a year, like house taxes, RSP payments. Take those and divide them into monthly installments.

Occasional expenses: Now list all the expenses that vary, things like groceries, gas, entertainment, bath and beauty supplies, household products ( cleaning products, light bulbs, and so forth)

When you subtract your set in stone expenses from your income that should leave you with what you have to spend on the variable expenses.

• Some tips for keeping track of expenses:
• Have a weekly budgeted amount set aside for groceries
• Have a set amount a month entertainment
• Either have someone in charge of the spending or have regular check ins or recording it in the same place.
• Agree to check in before blowing a budget

And we’re not done yet! You need an emergency fund (for when the hot water tank breaks), and savings for any other things you know you will want to buy in the future like a new car, a new computer or any other big purchase. I would also highly recommend a vacation fund, so you can actually afford to take one, and looking into building for your family’s future with things like RESP’s or RDSP’s,TFSA’s, or investing it somewhere to grow.

Make tomorrow easier!

I know how easy it is to get in the habit of making your life easier now and forgetting that money put away to make tomorrow easier, a month from now, a year from now or even 10 years from now easier is also a worthy deed. The money you save now is worth more money a year from now and even worth more than ten years from now.
Financial Planning

We’ve looked at how important it is to budget and save money for the future: for emergencies, future plans, and even retirement.The next thing you have to ask yourself is: is your money working for you or against you?

Until recently, I had no idea of what to invest in, how to invest or even where to find the money to invest. I really didn’t understand a lot about this until taking a financial literacy course. I learned some interesting things, such as:
That 91% of Canadian retirees will be retiring at or below the line of poverty according to Stats Canada.

• Debt to income ratio is 173 to 1, meaning that for every dollar that enters the household per year after taxes, they owe $1.73 in debt.
• 6 out of 10 Canadians don’t have a will or financial plan in place.
• It is going to cost us twice if not three times as much for us to retire, than it did our parents.

If you ask me, those are some scary numbers, and those stats don’t take into consideration that you may have dependents still living with you now and even when you retire!
This is why we need to know the fundamentals of how money moves, how money grows, and how to build wealth here in Canada.

Falling into debt is easy

Falling into massive debt is easy. For some people it’s taking out school loans and then not landing a high paying job. For one of my friends, it was getting hurt in a snowboarding accident so that he couldn’t work for years, and even had to buy a special bed. He was self employed and didn’t even have any insurance to cover that time off work.

This same friend just recently eliminated 85% of his $55,000 debt. If you are interested in hearing more about his story, his contact information is at the bottom as it has made it his mission to educate people so the same thing doesn’t happen to them.

Side Hustles

Picking up a gig on the side is one way many women and men are making a little extra cash. There are three major types of side hustles:

• Starting a side business — Entrepreneurship isn’t for everyone, but if you’ve got special skills like photography, house painting, or web design, you might be able to make some side income. If you’re interested, check out Chris Guillebeau’s book Side Hustle: From Idea to Income in 27 Days. https://amzn.to/2Ty1MtM
• A part-time job — There are lots of jobs you can take on part-time, from coffee shop barista to yoga instructor to working at book stores or in clothing retail. Sometimes the extra dollars per week can make a real difference.
• Relationship marketing — When you choose the right company, for some people this can be the perfect balance between entrepreneurship and part-time employment.

Relationship Marketing

You know the ones I am talking about: Epicure, Mary Kay, Rubbermaid. Whatever it is you choose to do, make sure it is a company and something you believe in and you can take it as far as you want. Some people only want to have a couple extra hundred dollars a month. Not everyone will have the time and energy to bring in thousands of dollars a month on their side business.

What do I need to know or do to be successful at network marketing?

• You need to be good at communicating with others, which means you need to be comfortable enough to talk to strangers.
• You need to have a good understanding of the products and the company and how it can benefit someone else’s life.
• Have the time to meet new people, follow up with them, check in with customers ( don’t be fooled network marketing takes time, energy and skill)
• When deciding on a network marketing company there are a few things you can look into to make sure it is the right one for you. Here are a few things to consider:
• Are their products something you would use yourself?
• Is the science sound behind the products?
• What kind of training is there?
• Are the company’s tools and systems for selling easy to use?
• Is there a need for the product ?
• Is the niche market growing? Or is it saturated already with options?
• Are other people involved people you like to hang out with? Do they share the same values?
• What kind of buy-in is necessary to get started? That means how much you need to buy up front to start selling.
• What kind of perks do you get for being a distributor?
• Do you align with the mission and the vision of the company?
• What kind of approach do they take to selling ? Are they spamming people everywhere?
• Are they the people you mute or unfollow on facebook?
• Do you align with the pay structure of the company?
• How long has the company been around? Are they a fad that will pass in a year or two?

If you are scared of alienating your friends and family that is a legitimate fear. I would recommend checking out Micheal Oliver’s book How to sell network marketing without fear, anxiety or loosing friends! Or Eric Worre Go Pro.

Because for most people working 9-5, 5 days a week barely covers the bills in the larger cities (even if there are two of you), you have to take a very close look at where you’re spending your money, and how you can get the biggest bang for your buck. With smart planning and choices, tomorrow will look a lot better!

Recommended Local Finance Expert

This is a local expert I know personally and recommend.

Jay Holman
Financial Literacy Coach, saving, investing, RESP, RDSP and more
Jayholman30@gmail.com

A mother wrote me recently sharing her pain, fears, and frustrations. She told me that the hardest thing for her was dealing with all the expectations that she had that seemed to become impossible, whether it was small things like plans for the day, or big things like hopes and dreams for her child. She talked about the cycle of grieving for the life she hoped her child would have, guilt for feeling that grief, and fear that she ‘s never see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The first thing I told was “ You are right”

The first things I tell parents are,

“You are allowed to grieve the loss of the child and the life you thought you were going to have before you can celebrate and honour the amazing child in front of you.”

“It’s not just you: it’s hard for everyone”

Days are not always going to be easy at the beginning it will be a process to finding what works for your son or daughter. To get there you need to be taking care of yourself because who else is going to give your child the kind of attention you do? It’s a marathon, not a sprint. You need your energy (and sanity) for tomorrow.

The Steps

Every Parent I know has gone through these steps, not necessarily in this order, much like the stages of grief.

• Disbelief – This is not happening, my child is fine.
• Blaming – themselves, others, vaccination, any number of things
• What did I do to deserve this?
• How will I ever get through this ? (one hour, one day at a time)
• Magical fixes – I got this… We will do this and this……. and my son/ daughter will be “normal”.
• Acceptance that their child will not fit into societies box of “normal.”
• Reality – Acceptance of what you current reality looks like and hope that there will be better days to come
• Reaching out – Starting to share your struggles, realize they don’t have to do this alone and ask for support from their friends, family, community and experts
• Celebrating progress – They finally see the progress their child is making
• Making peace with the unknown and really asking for the help they need to keep themselves energized and fulfilled.

My Friend hit some really great points about expectations, for your child, and for yourself as a parent. You can’t beat yourself up over losing your temper or not being as compassionate as you maybe could have been to your child. You are human, we are all doing the best we can with what we have in that moment. Even in one of my videos I refer to feeling I was “ knocking my head against the wall trying to figure out what to do” while trying to help a little one with ADHD to focus on the sounds the letters make. I openly admit I get frustrated too!

My Friend really nailed it when she said “it requires awesome grounding, community care and community and peer support” to get through some of the tough days, weeks and months. It takes great “discipline” to make sure you are making self care a priority so you can “show up with grace, compassion and empathy for yourselves and your child”. So never forget that you are not in this alone, seek help from experts, family, and Respite care. Also check out some of the self care blog posts such as:

Emotional and Spiritual health

Physical health

Cultivating meaningful relationships 

Time management

Setting boundaries 

Nutrition for stressful situations

I think we all agree that during a Child’s meltdown, both the child and the adults around them are experiencing an increase in stress. Eating healthy food, getting enough sleep and exercise will all help both you and your child deal with stressful situations better. Right now I would like to take a closer look at the food and nutrition that can help you and your child navigate these stressful situations more effectively.

Changes have been seen when simultaneously changing diet, supplementing nutrients and balancing the gut microbiota.

Where to start?

Cut out as much processed foods as possible with the artificial color, flavor, additives, and flow agents. Next cut out the sugar in all forms but in whole fruit that has the fiber and nutrients to go with it. After that look  for sensitivities, gluten, dairy, corn, sugar, grains, and potatoes are the common ones. You can see a naturopath and have the test done or you can do the “no fun diet” for three months. Which means cutting all of the stuff one normally eats and then feeding the food back in food one at a time and see what your body does. I don’t recommend the no fun diet for your children as I am guessing it won’t go over well.

Key Nutrients

Making sure your son or daughter has these key nutrients will also help control the melt downs. I have done some research and this are the nutrients that came up over and over again.

Magnesium enables the electrical activity in the brain and calms the central nervous system, in turn, increases attention and calms your child.

Zinc enables neurotransmitters to function and is necessary for the metabolism of DHA fat in the brain. It also regulates melatonin, sleep, and mood.

Omega three is essential to DHA to support your child’s growing brain. In fact, boys need 3x as much as girls do. Studies show that increases in omega three results in better performance in spelling, reading, and fewer behavioral issues.

Vitamin D enables every cell to function and plays a key role in attention and brain function, meaning better moods and improved sleep.

Vitamin B is essential for serotonin which regulates mood and behavior. Research has shown decreases in Vitamin B are more likely to struggle with learning and have more behavioral problems.

Iron plays a large role in attention, mood and energy level. A long term deficit of iron leads to problems with attention and mood swings.

Protein is the building blocks for your child’s brain and body so ensure enough protein is vital to a child’s development. It keeps kids motivated, energized and supports good behavior, attention, and social function.

Super foods such as quinoa, spinach, kale, eggs and wild salmon are great ways to get many of the key nutrients into your child’s body.

Gut Flora

Another factor is gut flora which play a huge role in your ability and that of your child to handle stress.  Basically the more diverse your child’s gut flora is the more like they are to be resilient, more stable mood, and be more persistent. How do you expand your child’s flora?  Good question, my understanding is by ensuring they are eating a variety of whole foods. I am not an expert in this field but here are a couple of great books on the topic.

Guts/ Grit and Wit 

Mind Gut Connection 

Adaptogens

Adding adaptogens to your diet and your diet and your child’s diet is another way to help both of you deal with stressful situations better. Again I am not an expert in this area but this is what I found in my research.

What are adaptogens?

Adaptogens are a class of healing plants that help balance, restore and protect the body; they do this by helping control cortisol levels (aka the stress hormone). I know from experience that too much cortisol does horrible things to your body. Examples include weight gain, irritability, feeling of constant stress ( fight or flight 24/7), bone loss, increased blood pressure, insomnia, increase chances of developing diabetes and heart disease, water retention, thinning skin, anxiety, and really low energy levels.
Adaptogens react to any stress or influence and bring your physiological functions back to normal.

Some Adaptogen herbs include :

Ashwagandha (aka Indian ginseng) has a number of benefits including:
Regulating immune system

• Eases anxiety
• Lowers cortisol levels
• Balances hormones
• Helps with hyper and hypo thyroid issues
• Increases focus, mood, stamina, and endurance
• By increasing brain function it decreases bodily pain

Ginseng ( aka Asian ginseng) benefits include:

• Improving mental performance
• Increased ability to handle stress
• Anti depressant effects
• Lowers blood pressure and sugar levels

Holy basil has been described as the elixir of anti-aging and its benefits include:

• Fighting fatigue and stress
• Boosts immune system
• Regulates blood sugar, blood pressure, and hormone levels

Rhodiola acts like a buffer to stress related mental and physical fatigue. It also:

• Relieves anxiety
• Combats aging, by protecting the heart and liver, by increasing memory and oxygen level
• Protects against oxidative stress, heart stress, radiation and toxin exposure
• Suppresses cortisol production and increases stress resistant proteins, which can normalize sleep and eating patterns after stress
• Lastly, it is effective in helping with weight loss

Licorice root has the ability to increase energy and endurance. Some other effects include:

• Boosting the immune system
• protecting the thymus which is a key organ in our immune system from being damaged by cortisol
• Use with caution it may affect blood pressure

Okay, this is great knowledge but the next battle is how to get your child to consume these great nutrients. If you go to the Health food store then you most likely will drop a couple hundred dollars on pills that your child won’t take.  In my travels I have come across a couple of amazing products  Xtra and Essentials (this one often is used as a multi vitamin so rather then the whole dose just giving the kids a couple of ounces a day) that are in liquid form that taste great on their own but also can hide easily in your child’s favorite juice that contain many of these ingredients listed. I also highly recommend Anti stress for adults along with Govera. Your kids may even like Govera it tastes like an orange drink.

Check out my blog for additional information and tips that will help your family. I also invite you to take the free health assessments both you and your child on our website or feel free to contact me directly through my website to set up a consultation.