I know as a very caring person who is often referred to being the “Momma Bear” how hard it is to put boundaries up and stick to them. I will tell you though, the more you do it the easier it is and the more people respect you for it. Let’s look at some different areas of one’s life that you could assert boundaries:
Work
How many hours do you want/ need to work ? Can you have a conversation with your boss about hours? flex shifts ? working from home? Some parents work four long days and have three day weekends, others have managed to split shift their work hours so they can work at 9:00 – 3:00 Pick up their kids and then work a couple hours after the kids go to bed or while they are doing homework.
Family
Be clear with your spouse and children about your boundaries, especially if you are working from home. My friend Sara and her long time partner have the agreement that if Sara’s office door is closed she is deep in thought and not wanting to be interrupted but if the door is open then he is welcome to come and ask her questions or sneak a kiss on the cheek. Other boundaries could be around the house hold chores, my sister and brother in law have the agreement that my brother in law makes dinner and the boys and my sister are responsible for clean up.
Friends
When it comes to friends, I ask myself is this something I want to do, or something I feel I should do / feel obligated to? If it is either of the last two I think really hard before answering.
If you are interested in reading more about setting boundaries here are a couple of great books and videos.
Say No to Say Yes:Dr. Caryn Aviv at TEDxCrestmoorParkWomen
I think this quote sums it all up “Make sure when you say yes to someone else you are not saying no to yourself.” When first trying to figure out where your boundaries are go back to your core values. If you still need some help talk to a good friend.