Month: July 2019

Emotional health is just as important as your physical health, and I believe they are closely linked. When You’re not doing well emotionally, like many people you may tend to eat junk food, or maybe you’ re like me I outright want carbs, carbs, and more carbs—with a side of sugar please!

I don’t consider myself an overly spiritual person, but I find many spiritual practices really help me center myself. The number one thing that helps me is mindfulness: being present. The biggest thief of my happiness is anxiety over all the things I feel I need to do. It helps a lot to be aware of what I am feeling in my body when situations come up, realizing what is actually happening in the real world and what stories I am telling myself. I’ve also found it amazing to take a moment before agreeing to help someone, to look at my calendar, and ask myself: is this something I really want to do?

Here are some strategies I have used and still use to help me stay sane:

Friends and Family

A good friend can listen when you are upset, and gently nudge you in the right direction when you need it. You don’t want just a “yes” friend, though! You need a friend who says, “Alright, you’ve grieved; now what are we going to do about it?” And funnily enough, when you are feeling down in the dumps one of the best ways to bring yourself up is to help a friend out. It’s probably for two reasons one, it gets your mind off your own problems and two, it will raise your endorphins levels when someone appreciates what you have done. Nothing like a good hug to make you feel seen, heard and valued.

If you are struggling to find or develop meaningful friendships check out my post a couple of weeks ago on cultivating meaningful relationships. There are some tips for where to look to find new friends and how to maintain a good relationship with your spouse.

How do I find time for friends? It’s about making it a priority. Here are a couple of ways you can keep in touch without sacrificing a lot of time or other activities:

• Double up: exercise or grocery shop with a friend
• Sit with another parent at your kids game or practice
• My favorite “ I am thinking of you texts .“ Every morning I get up and I send three to five friends a short text with a note of gratitude for their friendship or a silly emoji to make them laugh
• Call them on your drive home! You are stuck in traffic any way.
• Facebook messages or short phone calls on your lunch break even if you get their machine
• Regular phone calls with friends who live in other cities,provinces, and countries
• Snail mail cards and letters
• Send them helpful articles or quotes, Facebook posts they might find interesting
• Invite them along to events you are planning on attending

Friendships are definitely a two way street. It takes effort and understanding on both sides for a friendship to become a strong one. For example I have a ton of dancing friends, and kickboxing friends but I only see them on the dance floor or the mat. Yes, we have some funny conversations but none of them will be coming to my rescue at three am if I am in trouble. So how are you going to know which friendships to pursue or hold on to and which ones you may need to let go of?

• Do they support you as much as you do them?
• Is your gut reaction “ Ohh no, not again” or “Do I have to?” when they invite you to hang out or ask you a favor? That is a good sign something isn’t right
• Do they reach out to you, or are you always reaching out to them?
• Do you generally have a good time together?
• Do they keep their word?
• Do they lift you up when you are down? Or do they pull you down farther?

I always remind myself that I become the five people I spend the most time with so I choose to spend my time with positive, healthy, vibrant, active people who take control of their life.If they don’t like something in their life they take steps to change it for the better.

Journaling

Journaling can help you organize your thoughts, both for things you have to do or want to do and for dealing with your emotions. Moms especially tend to have an extra large mental load, meaning that they carry a lot on their minds. You’re keeping track of pick-ups and drop-offs for kids, grocery lists, mail, banking, and appointments—the list goes on. The best part about journaling is that it gets whatever is in your head out and onto the paper, so you can fill your brain with the important stuff that is right in front of you.
There are a few different styles of journaling you can use. Personally I use different styles for different situations.

Free Script – Freely writing whatever comes to you. Sometimes when I write this way it looks like a brainstorming web other times it is a series of sentences or thoughts in no particular order and other times it is super well laid out and very coherent.

Lists – This is one I use all the time, grocery lists, and to-do lists for today, this week, and this month I like to use Asana for long term lists.

Gratitude journal – All the things that went right today that you are thankful for. It is so easy to get caught up in all the things that went wrong, or the one thing that did not go well and forget about the rest of the great stuff. When you look at what went right you automatically relax just a little.

Meditation

There are so many studies showing that meditation decreases stress, increases focus and a whole whack of other benefits.

Physical benefits

• Can reduce pain
• Lower blood pressure
• Lower heart rate
• Allows the body to heal faster
• Is an anti inflammatory
• Helps digest food
• Supports your immune system

Psychological benefits

• Aids in better sleep
• Reduces stress and anxiety
• Helps regulate mood disorders
• Improves self esteem
• Can help treat addiction
• Increases creativity
• Increases self awareness
• Reduces anger

Cognitive Benefits

• Improves working memory
• Helps one work under stress
• Improves one’s ability to solve problems
• Improves decision making skills
• Visual spatial processing

I know what you are going to say—who has time for that? Believe me, you can find time, even if it is only 3 minutes and it is so helpful. There are different ways to meditate and not all involve sitting on the floor.

Stillness — This is my savior between clients! I get in the car take a couple of deep breaths and close my eyes before driving. This allows me to let go of the last client’s needs, and focus on the next client and what I have planned for the session. The easiest way I practice a stillness meditation is to focus on my breath in and out, in and out, on my chest rising and falling.

Mindfulness — I encourage you to practice mindfulness everywhere, all the time, as much as you can. Staying present in your world and being aware of all the amazing things that happen. When you are mindful you will find patterns everywhere in your life. I teach kids mindfulness through their senses. What do you see? How does it look? What does it make you think of? What color is it? Is it deep or light color? How does it feel ? Soft? Hard? Bumpy? Prickly, squishy? Does it have a smell ? if so what does it smell like? Sweet ? fruity? Like a cow patty? Dirty? Stinky? If it is safe to taste, what does it taste like ? sweet? Sour? Like something you have tasted before? How does if feel on your tongue? Is it crunchy or soft? Does it melt in your mouth? Here is an example of eating a raisin mindfully. https://youtu.be/z2Eo56BLMjM

Guided – I use these mostly when my “monkey brain” (when my brain is going in a million directions, or in circles about something I can not do anything about at this moment) is running way too wild and I can’t just breathe my way out of the craziness. This is usually when there are strong emotions involved. My favorite guided meditations come from a free app called Insight timer.

Flowdreaming – Is something I just discovered it is a guided meditation that is to simulating music. I am not sure how to explain it much more than that but it works great. This too is found in the app store also.

Yoga – Lots of people get lost in the movement when they do yoga. I for one can’t think about anything besides not falling over! Never mind the endorphins that run through your body and lift your mood, or the strength and flexibility you can gain from yoga. You may even be able to meet up with a friend and get some visiting time in before or after if attending a class.

Nature

Finding time to be in nature every day can make a huge difference in a person’s well being. Being in nature has been proven to :

• Boost the immune system
• Reduce stress
• Improve mood
• Increase energy levels
• Improve sleep
• Lower blood pressure

How to fit it in ? They latest book I am reading Nature Based Therapy suggests that 2 hours a week is beneficial but of course more is better and that it does not have to be in long increments. Here are a couple of suggestions in how to fit Nature into your day:

• Family walks in a local park or beach
• Work out outside instead of the gym
• Take your coffee date for a walk instead of sitting in Starbucks
• Take a walk or your book to the park on your lunch break and eat there
• Have kids earn their screen time by spending time outside
• Camping trips
• Picnics at the beach or park with other families

Sleep

The last thing I would like to touch on is that sleep directly affects my emotional state. When I am tired I do not cope with the world around me well, especially when it throws a curve ball at me. Making sure you get enough sleep is crucial to your well being.

There are several things to consider when trying to get a good night’s sleep:

• Having a dark room, black out blinds
• Cutting out the screen time and blue lights that stimulate your brain an hour or two before bed. Pick up a book after dinner instead of watching TV, or working on your computer.
• Having regular times that you go to bed and get up in the morning. Your body does better when it has a routine.
• Watch what you are eating and drinking before bed. Does caffeine keep you up? Maybe cut that out after 3 pm? Eating a large meal too close to bedtime always keeps me up.
• Making sure I get at least an hour of exercise a day also helps me sleep at night.
• When I am really worried about something I use guided meditations to help me relax

Gut Brain Connection

In a great book called Wits/Guts/Grit talks about the link between the flora in your gut and your ability to persevere, stay calm, and be in a better mood. She also discusses so many other benefits to having a more diverse gut flora.

So how does one do that?

• Eat a diverse range of foods
• Eat lots of veggies, legumes, beans and fruit
• Eat fermented foods like yogurt, Kimchi, Kefir, Kombucha
• Avoid artificial sweeteners
• Eat or drink prebiotic foods that promote the growth of good microbes in your gut. ( This was a game changer for me) Aloe, bananas, asparagus, garlic, berries are examples of prebiotics.
• Eat whole grains
• Eat foods high in polyphenols which lower blood pressure, inflammation and cholesterol levels and oxidative stress. Good sources of polyphenols are cocoa or dark chocolate, red wine, grape skins, green tea, almonds, blueberries, and broccoli
• Take probiotic supplements, my favorite AloeDophilus

Final Thoughts

In conclusion you need to find what works for you. I don’t use all of these techniques on a daily basis, but have used them all at some point in my life. The three things that I use consistently are sleep, friends and mindfulness.

Resources

Here are two of the most mindful and spiritual teachers I know. They serve the Greater Victoria area.

Anna Marie Ghatt — Ashtanga Yoga, Pranayama breathwork, chair yoga

Email: annaswoodwork@icloud.com

Samantha Barrow — Yoga instructor, Mindfulness master, Reflexology

Email : Samanthabarrow444@hotmail.com

I know as a very caring person who is often referred to being the “Momma Bear” how hard it is to put boundaries up and stick to them. I will tell you though, the more you do it the easier it is and the more people respect you for it. Let’s look at some different areas of one’s life that you could assert boundaries:

Work

How many hours do you want/ need to work ? Can you have a conversation with your boss about hours?  flex shifts ? working from home? Some parents work four  long days and have three day weekends, others have managed to split shift their work hours so they can work at 9:00 – 3:00 Pick up their kids and then work a couple hours after the kids go to bed or while they are doing homework.

Family

Be clear with your spouse and children about your boundaries, especially if you are working from home. My friend Sara and her long time partner have the agreement that if Sara’s office door is closed she is deep in thought and not wanting to be interrupted but if the door is open then he is welcome to come and ask her questions or sneak a kiss on the cheek. Other boundaries could be around the house hold chores, my sister and brother in law have the agreement that my brother in law makes dinner and the boys and my sister are responsible for clean up.

Friends

When it comes to friends, I ask myself is this something I want to do, or something I feel I should do / feel obligated to? If it is either of the last two I think really hard before answering.

If you are interested in reading more about setting boundaries here are a couple of great books and videos.

Say No to Say Yes:Dr. Caryn Aviv at TEDxCrestmoorParkWomen

Boundaries

I think this quote sums it all up “Make sure when you say yes to someone else you are not saying no to yourself.”  When first trying to figure out where your boundaries are go back to your core values. If you still need some help talk to a good friend.

Have you ever felt there is not enough hours in the day?  Do you find you are loosing out on sleep because you want to get just one more load of laundry done, or finally get to watch that show you have been wanting to watch?  Lets see if we can change that.

In the first blog post in the Selfcare Series we looked at finding your core values. If you have not done please visit that first so this will be more meaningful.

Now that you know your key values let’s look at where you are spending your time. Take a look at your calendar / planner or just think about your week. I want to you take those things and divide them into three categories and write them down. I need to do’s, I want to do’s and I should do’s.

I need to do’s

Alright now look at all the need to do’s? Is there anything you can delegate to someone else? Can your kids or husband help with house hold chores or making dinner? Can you team up with other parents that are delivering their kids to and from activities that you can share driving? Is grocery delivery or meal prep boxes an option?

I should do’s

Let ‘s look at the should do’s .  I want to you look at that list and ask what of these bring you joy? Which of these do you feel are an obligation? Anything that is an obligation you can take off your list. Look carefully, “I should go to the gym, because I want to be healthy” There is an I want in there, but if you end the because “Someone else wants me to or because someone will be disappointed then take it off the schedule. My next post on creating boundaries has some creative ideas on time management also, be sure to check it out.

I want to do’s

Does that free up some of your time now to fit in some of your I want to do’s? If you look at you I want to do’s is there some you can combine. I wanted to learn more  by reading about the kids I work with but finding time to read seemed impossible, until I discovered the Audio books and Podd casts. Now I rarely listen to the radio in the car. I often have audio books going while I am in the bath, or doing the dishes. I also found that taping my favorite shows and only allowing myself one a night, surprisingly enough, freed up a lot of time in the evening.  Can you read or do art while a kiddo is at a practice or therapy? Is there a way you could combine some friend time with another activity like working out?

The last thing I want to touch on is Mom/ Dad/ Grandparent guilt. The first thing you have to except is that you are not Superman or Super Girl so you cannot be everything to everyone. You have to give yourself permission to miss a practice, even one of your kid’s games for work if you love your job, or for an activity that makes you happy. I would ask your children if there is something they really want to you be there for and which ones they don’t mind you missing. You will be surprised that often they don’t mind you missing a practice.

Care takers always have the biggest hearts and are always looking after everyone one else and often let their own physical, emotional, and spiritual health go.

I know from experience that especially when you lose your health, it affects all aspects of your life. Twenty Six through twenty nine, I was sick and my biggest fear was that the Specialist were never going to figure out what was going on in my body and worst of all I was going to bloated, uncomfortable, exhausted, severely overweight, depressed and never be able to hike a mountain, hold down a job or sleep through the night again. Now that it is all said and done I have a whole new appreciation for my body. It has taken me several years and a lot of personal growth to have a good relationship with food, with my body, and to have any kind of self confidence again. I always defaulted to looking after everyone else because I didn’t know how to look after myself.

There are several different areas of caretaker’s health that one should look at.

Dr./ Dentist Appointments

Let’s start with the big ones that I am a horrible for neglecting Dr. apt. When I am not sick and it is a check up, annual blood test or anything that doesn’t feel necessary right now I just push it off till later. When did you last go to the Dr. ? What about the knee, foot, heartburn that is irritating you but you live with?

I always have to remind myself it is about prevention. In the last year I have really stepped into prevention mode with an amazing nutraceutical product line that has changed my life. For years I put up with being tired all the time and not sleeping through the night because it was a 100 x better then when I was sick. I thought this was the new normal that I shouldn’t complain it was way better than keeling over in pain, being 280 pounds and being uncomfortable all the time. That is a story for another day but feel free to private message me if you’re interested in hearing more of my story.

The online Doctor Service here in Canada  has been my savoir. I can call from home in my pajamas and set up an appointment with a Doctor to refill my prescription in a matter of minutes and just log on at the designated time. Hours and hours of my day are saved by not having to wait for the clinic to open and wait in line.

Sleep

Sleep, oh so important but often neglected. Sleep deprivation sucks I lived it for 4 years, you are foggy brained, tired, and moody and have no energy whatsoever. Eight hours sleep is so important, because sleep is when your body fights infections, digests foods, and repairs muscles.

I get it you want to have time with your kids after dinner and before bed so that leaves a couple hours (depending when your kids go to bed) for you to finish up that email, fold the laundry and spend time with your other half.

Is there any way you can delegate or do some of the household chores with your kids and or husband? Kids could help with dishes, fold laundry, and help pack lunches and so many other everyday things.

Are there any chores that you enjoy? My Sister loves going grocery shopping, not the actual grocery shopping but the 20 minute drive to the grocery store alone, the 45 minutes or so cruising up and down the aisles figuring out the next week’s meals alone, and the 20 minute ride back alone. You see she lives with three teenage boys, a dog, and her husband in a teeny tiny house, so grocery shopping is a chore she likes. One of my past boyfriends was a welder and loved dishes because the warm water relaxed his hands and got them really clean.

Water intake

Our body is mostly water and relies on a balance of water and electrolytes for a number of bodily functions. Here is just a handful of things that water helps with in your body:

• Improving cardiovascular health by raising blood volume, making it easier for your heart to pump and get oxygen to your muscles and therefore easier to chase and play with the kids.
• Lubricates your joints, and moves nutrients to the muscles and waste out of the muscle cells for you to excrete.
• Regulating body temperature
• by keeping your skin elasticity
• to cleanse your body kidneys need water to filter waste from your blood and to excrete urine.
• Prevents urinary tract infections and kidney stones. When severely dehydrated your kidney shuts down and your body starts to build up toxins.

I know it is not always easy to remember to drink liquids throughout the day. Here are some tips to remember to drink enough fluids:

• Have a water bottle full in your vehicle for commuting
• Have a glass of water or water bottle on your desk at work
• Make sure you are drinking fluids with meals
• Incorporate water dense foods into your snacks and meals like soup, yogurt or fruit like watermelon and or oranges which are 90% water and great source of fiber.

Exercise

We all know exercise is an important part of taking care of ourselves. The important thing here is that you find something you enjoy and something you will stick with. It is really hard to make a drastic change but if you make a small step towards getting more exercise like walking 2 or 3 times a week, maybe it is a family event or you meet up with some friends. For me it is Partner Dancing, three or four times a week. It is exercise and it is much like yoga for me, when I am dancing it lets me just for a bit let go of the rest of the world’s demands.

A couple of the best books I have ever read which can be applied to any part of your life but easily to your health are The One Thing by By Gary Keller and The Slight edge by Jeff Olson. It is easy to get caught up in everything a parent feels they need to do in a day and easy to forget to look after yourself, but I will ask you one this. If you end up in the hospital who is going to look after your kids? Would you be more patient or more attentive if you were not tired, sick, or thirsty? You need to be operating at your highest and best so that you can support your extra special child to be their highest and best.

If you live in Victoria, BC here are some friends who could help you get active again.

Anna Marie Ghatt
Ashtanga Yoga, Pranayama breathwork, chair yoga
Email: annaswoodwork@icloud.com

Samantha Barrow
Yoga instructor
Mindfulness master
Reflexology

Laura Gregory
Personal Trainer
Life coach

So often Parents with young kids or kids with special needs feel isolated and alone, their days are dictated by how well their child slept and or how well their child is coping with the day. They tend not to make plans because they don’t want to let anyone down or they just are worried about how their child will behave and what others will think. Parents spend so much time getting children from one place to another or just waiting for their child’s lesson to be done, and who has time for coffee or tea with friends?

Why are friends important?

Everyone needs a good friend they can call when *&^ hits the fan, a shoulder to lean on, someone to listen when you have had a bad day, or pick you up when your car breaks down. With the increasing number of families living miles if not continents away from their other family members it becomes increasingly important to make some good friends.  Finding other parents who have kids with some of the same issues can be very supportive because there is no judgement, you can bounce ideas off them and they become comfortable with your kids needs and your own needs. A surprising number of parents with non mainstream children experience loneliness, depression.

Where can I find them?

I would encourage you to look at the places you are already spending your time. Can you introduce yourself to another parent who is waiting for the school bell to ring? How about your child’s friend’s parents? Could you find someone to strike up a conversation with at the gym? At the grocery store? Maybe there is a class you would like to take? Neighbors are great place to start, have one of your neighbors over for tea, or strike up a conversation while cutting the lawn. Not everyone you reach out to will become an instant friend but you will be more likely to find someone you can hit it off with. Support networks (parent groups), and church groups are always a good place to start too.

Meaningful relationship with your partner

Making time to work on your marriage is often forgotten with appointments, sports, homework and chores but it is the most important relationship you have and it takes work. The most important thing you can give a person is your time because it is something you will never get back. It is important to make time for each other so you can stay connected. There are several different types of intimacy and it is good to know what you and your partner value and start there.

• Shared work – is there something you can work together on?
• Communication – the real conversations, using active listening
• Shared play – is there a leisure activity you both enjoy?

If date nights are few and far between, try and find some smaller or shorter times during the week you can share. Here are some ideas

• Read a book together, play a board game, listen to a book or watch a tv together
• Meeting up on your lunch breaks
• Eating breakfast, working out or just spending time together before the kids wake up.
• Random acts of kindness (aka love) are also great. Things like “ I am thinking of you” notes in a his or her lunch box, surprise flowers, or making their favorite dinner, doing one of the chores your spouse usually does. They don’t need to be expensive or time consuming but thoughtful.